How to win the power game
All the bullying experts will say that bullying occurs where there is an imbalance of power.
Bullies want to dominate you. They want to exercise power over you. They want to feel that they WIN and they want the satisfaction of seeing you LOSE. Think of it as a game. It's a game about winning and losing.
So, if you are being verbally bullied and someone is repeatedly being mean to you there are some things you can do/say and things it is best to not do/say which will help you to win the power game. If you win the game, the bully is likely to give up, because they are not getting a power kick out of you anymore.
This means you must learn and practice some effective social and communication skills, and also work on not allowing the bully to see how upset and angry you are by their hurtful words, even though you are!
Watch the video below and then take a pause when you get to three and half minutes in and read the next bit.
What does Resilience mean to you? Mentally strong? Tough? or maybe the ability to bounce back after adversity? what about having the power to decide to bounce back? to make a decision? Can you Decide not to get upset? or decide you will not show how upset you are? Decide not to care about what someone says about you? Decide what you will choose to think and believe about yourself. I am loveable? I am likeable? I have strengths. I may not be perfect but that's okay? I am determined. I have people who like me for who I am.
Watch the next bit of the video and stop at 5.25 minutes.
When the girl was being mean to Brooke in the video how did he react to her? He tried being mean back, sometimes he appeared upset or annoyed or angry, his voice got louder, he told her to stop being mean.
Watch the rest of the video to the end now and see what he does differently this time.
Did you notice, this time he used humour, paid her a compliment, made fun of himself. He didn't react with meanness but by paying her a compliment, being kind instead of mean. Did you notice how disarming this was? The girl didn't know what to say anymore, it almost stunned her from being able to continue to be unkind to him? Instead of her winning the power game, the tables turned and he started to win it.
What do you think about this strategy? Can you experiment with it and notice how others respond? You might want to role play it with your friend, or parent to get the hang of it. If you do, notice how you feel when you use humour, or say something kind back or pay the person a compliment.
Everyone likes it when someone is nice to them it can't help but make you feel warm and fuzzy inside-even the bullies.
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